Too Much Time In Our Hands
by Puncore
Summary: Sugar, sunglasses, stuffed dragons. These are the ingredients to this perfectly normal ship but what happens when a unknown element is added to the mix? Called 'Chemical Irony XXX'.
1. Chapter 1

They both laid on their backs on the floor of Dave's room. Staring up at the ceiling like it was the sky as the only noise that filled the room now was nonrhythmic gasps from both parties. Aradia turned her head to the right to face Dave's putting on a smile that beamed bigger than her afterglow. He didn't know what to make of this whole situation because for one, she was still wearing his sunglasses.

"That's a nice face your making right now Dave." She chimed.

His expression felt almost impossible to hide without his shades so he moved his hand to pluck them from her face. Aradia giggled before subtly sliding her head back to avoid his grasp.

Playfully she remarked, "Noo, not my cool guy wear I'm not awesome without them."

"Come on, that's not me." He replied while still trying to reach for them. Only to see his attempts fail as Aradia kept up her dodges while laughing now.

The irony of this whole thing was starting to make him smile himself.

* * *

 **Dave's POV in the past.**

He was sitting in his room making his way up to the absolute limit of the scoreboard on a computer game. Doing it for the sweet satisfaction of turning his high score board into his list of ironic top five three letter words to put into old video games. After about four hundred and twelve tries he knew he would not be denied the irony of his self given glory in the final attempt.

 _You win! New HIGH SCORE! INPUT NAME!_

 _A S S_

It was one of the most ironic things you have done in the afterlife to date. Damn did it feel like it wasn't going to get any better than this. Beholding the sheer majestic sight of a score of 99999999 followed by your number one ironic word to put into old car racing games.

You then heard the door bell ring and backed rolled out of your chair into a pile of clothes. Only to pop out in a fresh new broken record shirt. Taking in the scent of apples that was basically given to you by your sickest of washing detergents. The door bell rings again but this time your plan was to make sure a third never came. After some expert acrobatics you made it to the door in time to see John.

"Oh there you are man!" Before taking a second look at his out of breath friend.

"I know you normally run down stairs as fast as you can but your normally not this winded, did you stay up again?" John quizzed.

"One, we are dead so I don't need sleep and two, your not my dad." Dave replied as he tried to portray a relaxed swagger.

John turned his back to Dave and then swung a white bag over his shoulder before saying, "Well, since your totally not tired Mr. Cool Guy I guess I'll leave with this. What did you call these things again? Bodacious apple juice."

Dave was almost going to have to take his sunglasses off at the sheer thought of John leaving with those drinks, almost. "John it appears to me you have premium tickets to my pad and that I would appreciate ironically enough for you spend those before leaving."

John turned around with a goofy smirk on his face at the response before handing one of the greatest drinks in the universe to Dave.

"One admission please!" he chuckled.

"I love you."

"WHAT?!"

"I love juice." Dave corrected.

The two made their way back up to Dave's room, afterwards John crashed on his messy bed while Dave sat on his computer chair backwards leaning on it with his arms crossed. After taking a good swig of the beverage Dave decided to ask whats been going on.

"So get any boob yet?"

John shot straight up from the bed and turned his head toward him with the expression that was screaming, _Dude, fucking really?_

"That's the face of a man who hasn't gotten any boob yet." he remarked.

"Shut up like it even matters in the dream bubbles." John snapped.

Dave was smirking at his friend, "My poor deluded friend. Now it matters even more than ever for you."

"Explain please?" He said with a tilted head.

"Well, I was chatting with a loud friend of ours the other night and we got into a interesting topic about a Mr. Egbert."

"Didn't the sky only turn night like last week? How long were you on that gaming binge?" John interjected.

"Not the point. An what we talked about was the no homo flag you raised and how it's pretty much in tatters at this point." Dave replied.

John sat there puzzled on top of Dave's bed before he asked, "How?"

"Well you know how you been avoiding pretty much every doomed version of yourself since you got here?"

"No they didn't."

"Yes they did." Dave smiled.

"John Egbert in other timelines I have seen you dating not just Karkat, but my Bro, Sollux, Eridan, me, and I have a picture of you kissing a clown with a cod piece." Dave then tossed the picture in front of him like it was hard evidence.

John's response was letting his grip slip from his bottle, causing it's contents to spill over a good portion Dave's bed. Making Dave mirror his friend's earlier facial expression of, _Dude, fucking really?_

"Your fucking cleaning that." As he was trying to remain calm at the sheer amount of sacrilege he had just witness. The juice should have always been taken care of, if only you could go back in time to stop this tragedy in the first place. Too bad your not god tier though your pretty sure that it wouldn't help erasing this memory from your mind.

John was still shell shocked by this new development and it was about time he said something. "Da fuck?!" Ah, there he goes.

"The fuck, the fuck, the flying fuck!?" he was yelling louder and louder.

"Easy there man. Your loosing your cool, was the picture too much?" Dave asked.

John was glaring daggers at him now but at least he gave a quiet nod. Dave decided to pick the picture back up and rip it in two to appease his friend. Luckily that seemed to help but John still looked pissed. Time to change the subject subtly.

"So Rose and Kanaya are throwing a costume party in the next couple of days, wanna go?" he asked.

John grumbled as he fished out a small grey tablet out of his pocket. Then when he found the message he gave another nod before saying, "Ya I got a invite along with a picture of the character I should dress up as for the party."

"Cool, what did you get?"

"A picture of Bill Murray so I guess I'm going as a ghost buster?" John said as he looked over the picture again.

Dave tilted his head a bit before saying, "Is it a picture of just the actor? Cause if he isn't in costume you could go as him from Space Jam."

"Your right but I like ghost busters more. So who did you get?"

"I got a picture of Charlie Sheen from Hot Shots." He finished saying before he drank the last of his bottle's juice. "I'm not going as him though, it's not ironic enough."

"I'm pretty sure Rose guessed you wouldn't but what do you have in mind for a replacement?"

Dave smiled deviously before saying, "You'll find out when we go together."

"Come on save the mystery for later I really wanna know!" John begged.

"Nope."

Dave tossed the empty bottle into his trash bin across the room making the shot as John remarked about it being a three pointer. "I've been wondering, have you been hanging out with someone else while I was doing the impossible this week?"

John hesitated before saying, "Uuuh-yaaaa. It was Terezi."

"Wait, is the whole dream bubble on fire right now? John did you work some new fangled up ass hat magic trick and make my house the only thing in the after life not a pile of burning crap right now?" he stated.

"Ha. ha. Very funny Dave."

Dave got up from his chair and walked toward the window looking outside to see the ever changing landscape not set into a inferno. "Damn it John I was expecting a bonfire at least."

"The idiot isn't that bad." he said as he rolled his eyes at Dave.

"Oh no it's worse than I fucking thought, your defending her now. John, John have I already died? Is this a second dream bubble after the first one exploded as the natural order imploded on it's self?" The smile on his face was only growing.

"Pfft-Okay that one got me." John chuckled.

Suddenly a idea hit Dave harder than a avalanche puppets, giving him inspiration for his next ironic move. "John I just heard the fucking voice of Morgan gad damn Freeman."

Mused by this he replied, "So what did God say this time?"

"One penguins are the shit and two I will be your wing man to help you seal the deal with TZ."

John looked petrified, "No no no no no no no no."

"Fuck yes! For tonight we plan for battle!" Dave announced before pushing his shades closer to his temple causing them to shine like a pair of polished wine bottles.

* * *

Author's Commentary: I have decided to change how I implement my commentary though I know nobody cares about such a small change in style. I will be mentioning I will be working on the next chapter for a while. Aiming to complete this story before the next Highblood Roots chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Commentary: After coming back and rereading a lot of the old work and that one review, I just want to say that all characters are dead. Also it was mentioned in chapter 1 with no need for me to change it but it was hinted at through Dave's dialogue. Despite this the chapters that are being posted are going to be a bit rough around the edges as I was away doing stupid stuff for a long time and I'm sorry in advance for all the Homestuck lore I hinted behind some of them. Revolving around relationships, different timelines, and bullshit that makes no sense but is always a welcomed theme.

* * *

 **Aradia's POV in the past.**

She had knocked on the hive's door for the fourth time before hearing movement on the other side. Then it finally swung open to reveal a out of breath Terezi.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry for not telling you when I would be here in advance."

"No! Your good! I just got lost in a case is all and found myself tying up things a bit faster than normal, quite literally." Terezi smiled.

After being let in, you sit in a pile of bundled up rugs that look to have not just a mix of different colors but white chalk lines on them. You figure it was just a way for Terezi to file away crime evidence while having a convenient place for guest's to sit. Getting comfortable in the lumpy mass of floor decor you take out a bag of fabrics, books, and cutting devices.

"Great work bringing the material. It smells delicious."

"No problem at all, Kanaya was more than happy to help us get ready for the party and please don't lick the books they aren't laminated." Aradia replied as she lifted one of the pieces of literature away from the grasp of her friend.

Looking a little disappointed now, Terezi then asks, "Besides helping me don't you need to go ask Sollux or basically any Sollux for that matter, to this party?"

The first two letters now forming in your think pan are ' _SH_ ', before stuttering out a, " _It_ \- or I won't be going with any version of him so I thought I'd ask you."

"Oh!"

"Well I was suddenly given a bad stroke of luck yesterday when I was told my partner would be skipping out on me so it's alright." She smiled. "Thanks for bailing me out again."

"No if anything your helping me out." Aradia chuckled.

You fish out a picture of the costume you are going to need to make, though you already have everything you need thanks to one of the humans named Jake. Terezi licks the picture still in your hand, causing you to chuckle at the sensation.

"So hornless Angelina Jolie? From like a couple of sweeps ago in that action movie?" She inquired.

"Exactly though the humans call it Tomb Raider." You said delightfully while pointing your fingers like duel pistols back at her. "Who did you get?"

"Well I picked mine for starters, cause I didn't care much for a outfit with only one color. So I was given a whole album to choose from til I found the one I liked." Terezi then got up from the pile of skalemates she was sitting on and picked up a photo from her desk. Despite the running colors of the picture you could see that it was a drawn up human in a yellow and blue dress with puffy shoulders that had red mixed into the stitching.

"It looks a bit elaborate but I think we can make that. What was this person's name?" After asking Terezi just shrugged and said, "They call her Snow White I think?"

After the response she and Aradia spent the next couple of days, or what could be called days in dream bubble time making their costumes. The progress was halted only by **small** setbacks. Typical stuff like sewing a sleeve to a skirt or some how setting the hive on fire for third time by complete accident, _at least once_. After putting on the finishing touches on the outfits they were laying on the floor looking at the work completed.

"I think the dress would look better if it wasn't in front of that scorched wall." Aradia sighed.

Terezi turned her head to sniff at the general direction, "Well it smells nice but lets not try to sear a piece of fabric together next time and follow the books instructions."

"Ya, the first time should of been a fair warning. Sorry about the wall."

"Eh, don't worry about it I was the one cheering you on cause I thought the whole of idea sounded more fun than using that boring sewing device." Terezi turns her head back to where the sewing machine was and flipped it off. Afterwards she moved a skalemate next to her on the floor, then made it into her own make shift pillow.

Likewise Aradia moved a blue one to rest her on top of. "So why aren't you going to ask Sollux to this party?" Terezi asked.

Her friend sighs before giving a reply, "I sort of don't feel like there was anything to go back for even after I died came back to life then died again."

Terezi was making a puzzled face. (:?) "When I like died died, like you die you go to here death. I had just been resurrected into my god tier but was a second too slow in my timeline to stop Jack in his tracks."

"Then when I got here and saw everyone finding their own way in coping with being killed. It made me happy to see how even though nobody was really alive they all moved on like they had a life." Aradia was smiling as she said the words.

"And the same could be said for him. Sometime ago I wanted to see what I had missed in his life and found that he had moved on too. I knew it was going to happen anyway but it still hurts to remember when I saw him with other people." She let out a sigh then.

"I hated seeing a dead version of him at that point, whether he was with Feferi, John, or even me. I know it isn't fair of me to think that way, but I just felt like the time we had was looking more and more insignificant. Thats why I don't hang out with any doomed versions of Sollux because I will always remember that my first relationship felt like it was meant to _sink_." Aradia fell silent as did the small room.

Terezi stared vacantly at a wall for a while before saying, "I'm super sorry for prying."

"Terezi I'm over here."

She then adjusted herself to face Aradia but gave of the expression like she didn't want look her in the eyes. Aradia then got up and stretched out a bit before extending her hand out to her friend as a gesture to help her up.

"Don't worry about it." She replied as she took Terezi's hand and lifted her up.

"Wanna make some lunch?"

"As long as you don't use a flamethrower I'm game." Terezi smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

**John's POV before the party.**

"Dave why are you wearing that!?" John shouted in complete and utter terror!

"Dude do you ever use your head? Cause it's the best damn costume to help you out." He replied while standing outside his doorway with arms crossed.

"Where did you even get that and did you shave your legs?" John was now closing his eyes and opening them up to see if he was dreaming. To only find out that he wasn't. His friend's master plan was totally making him a nervous train wreck. Specifically cause it revolved around wearing a Japanese school girl uniform of all things!

"John my eyes are up here." Dave was now pointing to his shades. "Also this isn't mine it's my bro's."

"Why!?"

"Cause he doesn't judge Mr. Egbert, now are we going to talk all night or are we going to fuck shit up?" He stated before swinging a red purse with a tamagotchi key-chain over his shoulder.

John groaned while rubbing his face, thinking _I should of saw this coming a mile away_. A smile crept on his face before he started laughing at the whole scene he had just been apart of as he remembered Dave even went out of his way to wear lipstick. Dave smiling as he watched you nearly piss yourself from a complete giggle fit was not helping at all.

"Come on, come on, lets put my plan into motion already and get the lead out man."

John raised an eyebrow before asking, "What plan?" Dave walked past you before whispering, "Trade secret." Immediately making you think _he_ _has no plan_.

* * *

After traveling across the ever changing landscape of the dream bubble for about twenty minutes, you made it to your destination. Rose's house had definitely changed since the last time you payed a visit. The building had now fused together with what you assume was Kanaya's house or hive? You find yourself not really giving a crap as you believe they were basically the same thing. While culture differences can prove to be interesting at some point but in all honestly in this instance it's calling the kettle, pot.

More interesting was how loud the whole building seem get the closer you and Dave ventured. When you made it to the entrance the music was so booming that yelling was the only way of talking over it. Which sounded like multiple DJs were having a all out rap battle royal mixed into a slurry of dub-step.

"I'm going to turn that shit down, I'll be back!" Dave yelled before charging into the party.

As you waited outside the entrance you saw that Vriska was standing right next to you the entire time.

"Oh hello!"

"Hiiiiiiii John!"

Vriska was dressed as what you assumed was a western preacher? "Whats your costume if you don't mind me asking?!"

Before she could answer the music inside the building fell silent instantly.

"It's suppose to be Marquis from the Hateful Eight!"

"You don't have to yell fuckass!" Karkat shouted back.

Vriska was glaring at him before she put Karkat under her control and made him jump through a window. All the while screaming, "I love you!" to whoever was on the other side. John was chuckling at the spectacle even more when he could hear Karkat yell, "Fuck off!" when he was back up.

"So ya that's my costume, any problems with it?" she asked.

"Nope. In hindsight it looks nice on you though didn't that character have a beard?" Which was shortly replied with, "I wouldn't look _nice_ with a beard dork."

"I don't know, there is this guy named Santa Clause who sort of a big deal with a beard."

"Don't throw your human culture into this now, cause a fat red man with a eating problem isn't as big a deal as me." she huffed.

You chuckled, "I guess your right! So who did you come with your majesty?"

"Honestly there wasn't anyone I wanted to ask so I just showed up because fussy-fangs would probably not like me wasting the chance to wear one of her outfits again." She shrugged.

"Well you wanna head in then? I have to find Dave at some point anyway."

"Nah I'm having too much fun stopping all the Torea-dorks from getting into the party before you got here." As soon as she finished her sentence you heard what sounded like a stampede heading towards the door. Where Vriska was just happening to be standing at in that exact moment.

John watched as he saw a herd of bovine horned trolls rush the door while being led by a strange orange man yelling, "She can take away our freedom, dignity, and in some cases our lives! But she will never take away our right to solicit for the sake of debauchery!"

Followed by a united cheer of ,"Uh, YA!"

The mob ran over Vriska in righteous indignation, pouring into the building to party. Leaving you to take a moment to process this event.

Afterwards you pick up a trampled friend and head inside.

* * *

 **Terezi's POV at the party.**

"I love you!"

Terezi finds herself cringing before she turns her head in time to hear Karkat bursting through a window. Only to land on top of Cronus of all trolls, who was very pleased with the sudden turn of events.

"Ya know chief you aught to buy a fella a drink first." He grinned.

Karkat kneed him in the the bulge before shouting, "Fuck off!" Afterwards leaving behind him a group of confused guests and a strangely smiling Ampora.

"Well ain't that just a motherfucking miracle if I've ever seen one sis." Gamzee said coyly.

You honestly didn't know what was begging for trouble at this point. Either Karkat's failure to use a door or the fact someone left this clown to be one of the bartenders behind this make shift counter top. Made to accommodate a vast array of bottles containing lucid inducing liquids, only to be left in the hands of Gamzee and Roxy. Terezi felt that if she was going to "see" a show it would definitely be here.

"Best seat in the house but by the way I have one question to ask."

He quickly replied, "If it's about how I died again, tats a secret so shhhhhhhh. Honk."

"As much as I would love to find out who dropped you. I'm way more interested in that bottle I smell a faint cherry scent from, over your pungent castigate." Terezi was pointing to a white bottle that had a small portrait of a beach on it's side.

"No can do sis, tonight we just slamming elixir's or water not any of madam's stash."

"But the _madam's_ drinking it all as we speak." In front of her finger now was a chugging Roxy Lalonde. "Dammit motherfucker Kan sis is totally going to kill me again if she catches you get all up an shit high in this bitch!"

Terezi takes in the scene before her. Enjoying the sounds of the struggle and a smell of _lust_? Why yes you smelled correctly, as much as this tussle was brewing between the two a hint of desire was followed by what you could only summarize as desperation. Indeed this caught your attention suddenly just as John sat right next to you with a unconscious Vriska.

"So you canceled on me for Serket and she just couldn't say no right?" asking in a way that made you almost sound hurt.

John replied, "Totally, she was so into the idea she even let me walked right over her in sandals a hundred times." You could tell he was being snide as John was pointing to the footprints left on Vriska.

"But you couldn't see them real well to begin with."

"So I guess that means you started wearing even uglier shoes than those banana sleepers from before?" You began giggling at him for that sad attempt to get a rise out of you. He'll have to play better before the night is through. Though he'll find a way, he _always_ does.

"Funny considering the yellow dress skirt." He retorted.

John then asked Roxy for a drink and was brought the already drunken white bottle from before plus five other already opened bottles. "Thank you!" John smiled. Roxy was about to reply before she remembered Gamzee was walking off to tell Rose she was giving away alcohol again. Leaving behind the bottles to Terezi, John, and a knocked out Vriska.


End file.
